What’s a Clover? It’s a person who needs some help behind the wheel – but doesn’t realize it. To put a finer point on it, a Clover is a person who thinks you’re the one who needs the help.
Take this test to see whether you’re a Clover:
* Do you routinely find yourself at the head of a long line of cars?
Clovers don’t make the connection between the angry ribbon of vehicles attached to their bumper and the (slow) speed they’re doing – typically, because the Clover isn’t even aware they’re there, because Clovers only use their rear-view mirrors to help them pick out pieces of food stuck in their teeth. If they do happen to notice all the cars stacking up behind them, the Clover’s reaction is: They’re speeding; they shouldn’t be in such a hurry. The one thing a Clover will not do – the 190 proof essence of Cloverism – is pull off to the right to let all those other cars get past him. To the Clover, his speed is the right speed – for everyone.
* Slow for curves?
Not just slightly. A Clover is known for his (or her) fear of curves – a fear so great it causes the Clover to stab the brakes like OJ laying into Ron Goldman at the slightest hint of curvature. The most gentle sweeper will compel the Clover to drop speed from 55 to 40 – the conception of a Conga Line. Before long, there are six or seven cars stacked up behind the Clover – and a trip that should have taken 15 minutes is now a 30 minute form of vehicular waterboarding. The Clover is convinced he’s being “safe” – and that all those other drivers are “dangerous.” It never occurs to the Clover that maybe all those other drivers are just trying to get where they’re going sometime today – and that perhaps his slow-motion curve-taking is a clue that he’s got an issue with being overcautious (as well as inconsiderate; again, the Clover won’t just pull over – everyone else must travel at the Clover’s speed).
Here are some video examples of Cloverism:
* Ride your brakes?
Random braking for no good reason is another Signature Move of the Clover. He brakes for curves. He brakes for straightaways. He brakes when he sees another car coming in the opposite lane. He brakes all the time, without rhyme or reason. And he never brakes smoothly. Smoothness is a concept foreign to the Clover. Instead, the Clover does the herky-jerky. Braking suddenly and randomly - followed by just as sudden acceleration – followed up by another just as sudden and just as random slowdown. A key attribute of Cloverism is unpredictability. Other drivers can never anticipate what the Clover is going to do next.
Except, of course, pull over.
* Raise your speed when someone else tries to pass?
You know you’re in Clover Country when the clown up ahead that you’re trying to pass (because he’s been driving 5 MPH below the speed limit – slowing for the curves) accelerates as soon as he sees you’re trying to get around him. The Clover takes umbrage at you for wanting to get by. It’s not merely that he wants to drive like Mr. McGoo. He wants you to, too. The irony – lost on the Clover – is that to achieve his ends, he must speed - thereby becoming that which he claims to oppose. The one time a Clover might do some good by slowing down – in order to let you get past him faster (and therefore, more safely) he naturally speeds up. And just as naturally – for a Clover - he will slow right back down to 5 MPH below the speed limit the second he’s successfully thwarted your passing attempt.
* Try to drive in snow when it’s obvious you can’t?
Winter weather is especially attractive to the Clover – in the same way (and with the same result) that a bright light attracts moths at night. The typical Clover will see six inches of snow on the road and say to himself: I need to drive my 1979 Caprice Classic with rear wheel drive and almost bald whitewalls to the Mall. For other drivers who aren’t Clovers, having to deal with Clovers in the snow is a lot like having to deal with sharks in the water after your ship sinks in the Pacific Ocean. It’s not the snow (or the water) that’s gonna get you. Perhaps like sharks – creatures driven by instinct to do what they do like biological machines, without thought or mercy – the Clover is compelled to make it impossible for anyone else to get where they’re going when it snows.
* Think everyone else is crazy?
This last one is the surest way to ID a Clover. He (or she) will never in a million years stop to think that maybe it’s me. Maybe I do drive more slowly than most other drivers. Maybe I am a bit on the overcautious side. These thoughts never occur to a Clover. If they did, he (or she) would then not be a Clover. Because to have those thoughts is to have an epiphany: I should probably let that guy behind me pass; I will pull off to the side as soon as it’s safe. And: I see a car coming up behind me; I’ll put on my signal and move over to the right lane so he can get by. There is nothing shameful about driving at whatever pace you’re comfortable with, even if it’s slower than most of the cars around you. It’s not slow driving that makes a driver a Clover. It is a determination to make everyone else drive just as slowly, using your car to enforce your will.
If that’s you, then you’re a Clover.
How about pulling over. Just this once. It might even feel good. C’mon. What do you say?
Definitely a pet peeve of mine as well. Brake, brake ,brake. EXCEPT at a yellow light turning red. Then it is apparently time to aggressively shove their way through regardless of having no right-of-way. Otherwise, these jerks are right on that brake no-matter-what. I frequently see this type with the brake lights on as they are pulling away uphill. Yes, uphill! I notice that I generally have let off my gas about 15-20 seconds, and as much as an 1/8th mile before I even think about braking. Most drivers I observe, are on the brakes anytime they are not holding the gas, and, as aforementioned, some use both simultaneously.
People come to my shop, with great frequency, needing brakes far too often. Most of the brake-riders make their first visit with under 40K miles on the car, and the front brakes worn to the metal.
While I am grateful for the business, and eager to make the vehicle safe to operate, I take great pains to educate the owner/operator on the finer points of physics. 90% of all brake wear is a direct result of the intensity and frequency of use.
Enough physics. This problem defies physics, or any rationality.
These people have just never learned how to drive. Push-to-go, push-to-stop is all that seems to stick in these pea-brains out there. Unfortunately, the auto industry caters to this non-driver mentality with ABS, SRS, Run-Flat, Sensor monitored tires, etc, etc.
Do they really believe that people can’t learn how, so we just make the car idiot-proof? One word..IMPOSSIBLE! Bottom line? Give all the non-drivers a false sense of security with tons of gimmicks, and take their money ten times over, to boot!
LOL! I have to apologize to Eric here; I could start my own rant right here on his pages! In fact, at times, I have
My gift of car technology will be forcefields…then we can just play kinetic bumper-cars out on the highway. Just “nudge” the bugger out of the way, get where you need to go, and no harm done, eh?
Rants as excellent as this are always welcome here! But, beware. Clover is watching…
Amen, and nicely put.
Your rant reminds me of my father.
My father, sad to say, is a clover. He purchased a brand new Silverado SS Intimidator model truck. He was able to completely fry the brakes in one trip (around 2,000 miles). He drove from Virginia to Texas and it was time for brakes. Back when my mother was still around and would ride with him she would put a neck brace on because he was either accelerating or braking (no coasting, or cruising). It was beyond annoying! I would get the biggest headaches from riding with him, even short distances. To this day I’ve never ridden with a more annoying driver.
Maybe the cars should also have a stupidity sensor for some drivers. You know, the drivers that drive drunk, the drivers that pass on double yellow lines where they risk killing others, drive excessivly fast just because they enjoy it or do not allow an extra 30 seconds to allow for anything that might slow them down.
I looked at the video. The only problem is we do not know if it was a staged event in the first video and even if it was true, it only cost an extra minute of travel time. If you do not allow for an extra minute or two driving to an appointment then you deserve to be late when you pull up to a light that turns red when you get to it or some kind of a traffic problem no matter what it is. The second video looks like it was a person that was stopped looking at the trees and the water. I did not see anything the other vehicle did to try to get the car to move even if it really had to. It looked like there was a lot of space on the road to pass.
I want to know the point of Eric’s intollerance of other drivers? What does he want done? I would say if you can not slow down for a short period of time for another driver then you do not have enough patience to be a driver yourself.
Funny that my brakes seem to last well past 100,000 miles. Ask Eric how long his brakes last. Many of the so called fast drivers like him have to hit the gas and then hit the brakes hard and then hit the gas. I seem to look ahead at the traffic and do not tailgate. If I see cars slowing ahead or a light far ahead just turning red then I let up on the gas rather than speeding up and hitting the brakes hard like many of the so called fast drivers. I often pass such drivers at stop lights when there is more than one lane because I am still moving when the light turns green because I drive smart. I do not follow someone up a steep icy hill closely either.
So, you’re not a brake-rider. Good for you. But you still sound like an inconsiderate driver.
Its about scope. Eric isn’t complaining that it took him an extra minute or two to get somewhere, once in a while.
I play poker. Most players can learn to play their hand correctly. An experienced player will play the table, and the other players hands, based on information he/she gets during play.
When experienced drivers are driving, they are keeping an eye on all traffic and other obstacles around them. They can tell when another driver wants to pass, or is content to follow them at a speed both find reasonable.
The Clover can’t seem to make these distinctions.
Thanks for another great article, Eric.
Very well said! Your poker analogy is perfect and simple to understand, but something tells me it will read like gibberish to a Clover.
How can you be so sure that clovers only cause one minute extra to travel time?
“it only cost an extra minute of travel time”
And even if it is a minute, people do not have the right to steal time from others.
If someone were walking in front of me and kept blocking my way, or sticking their arm out to obstruct my movement they would be hospitalized.
If someone believes they have the right to steal time from others that person is a imbecile in my book.
Clovers will never do this stuff on foot!
Dom you seem to forget that the fast drivers that need to pass on double yellow lines or drive aggressively on snowy/icy roads and dozens of other so called speedy driver characteristics kill people and not just put them in the hospital. It was just in the local news here that a driver lost control in such condtions and the semi took care of him for good. Many of you so called fast drivers kill and injure people daily. Yes the driver in the video should not have been driving that slow if it was not a staged event but you either live with it or make some kind of law so the police will do something about it. Other than that, you are the problem because it affects your driving negatively and it should not because you can not relax and live with it.
The fact is, the safest drivers on the road are traveling what is known as the 85th percentile. The 85th percentile corresponds with the lowest accident involvement rate in terms of 100 million vehicle miles traveled. Generally that number ranges between 5 and 15 mph above the average travel speed for a particular stretch of road. That said, is driving 5 to 15 mph safe for everyone? No. People should be free to select the speed they feel comfortable driving. Leave traffic enforcement to the cops. They should be on the lookout for dangerous drivers, not just those who exceed an arbitrary speed limit. Sometimes, I drive like a clover myself. When I do see a faster car approaching from behind, I move over. Its common courtesy.
Swamprat, you are missing something. When you quote that the 85th percentile is the safest speed that comes from statisics when the 85th percentile is the average speed within 5 mph. If you say that the 85th perctile is 15 mph above the average speed then that does not lead to lower accident rates. Your quoted facts are off.
I also do not understand your statement that you move over when faster cars are coming from behind. If you are driving slow then you should already be moved over that is if there are more than one lane unless you mean that you are driving under the speed limit and pull off of the road in a safe way to let others by. If there are two lanes and you are passing another vehicle or two then your have every right to be in that lane no matter how fast someone else wants to drive over the speed limit. That is why you quote the 85th percentile as being safer because if you are passing other vehicles then you already are more than likely traveling at least the 85th percentile speed.
Clover,
When driving on the freeway, it is not uncommon for me to be traveling faster than those in the right lane. If someone comes up behind me, and gets close on my tail, I will slow down and pull to the right so he can get past and then move back over and accelerate to my previous speed. It’s a relative speed issue. Clovers are always going the PERFECT speed, neither too fast nor too slow and they should NEVER need to adjust their speed up OR down for other drivers. The author is contrasting clovers with regular drivers: those who generally travel at or slightly above the flow of traffic. Not the idiot who has to drive 15mph faster than other drivers (contra Swamprat).
Swamprat, the 85th percentile is often (but not always) 5 to 15mph faster than the posted speed limit. If you are traveling 15mph faster than the average flow of traffic, then you are the opposite but equally dangerous fast analog to the clover.
Now that we know what a Clover is, will you tell us where the name comes from?
Sure! See some of the previous posts; there’s a guy here who inspired the name…
Read posts above and the author’s name!
this clover fellow posts everything to the contrary so frequently that I’m tempted to suspect he’s doing it just for fun, trolling in other words… It’s rare for someone to be that stereotypically stupid about driving in every sense of the word.
Check out some of his latest! He’s (sadly) for real… and he’s not alone, either.
Invincible ignorance is on tap in America!
So you wrote an article punking out the most idiotic commentor, I love it! And from reading his posts, I see why. I really didn’t know people like him existed, those who are not only unqualified to drive but are also stupidly arrogant about it.
Clover is truly short bus material. Unfortunately, he votes. So do millions of others, just like him. We’ve created a social-political environment that’s a hothouse for Cloverism. And once Clovers take root, getting rid of them is next-to-impossible. Bad money pushes out good; it just takes one spoonful of shit to ruin a gallon of ice cream. Etc.
You haven’t seen anything! The extremely stupid comments have been trashed (maybe over 100 of them). I think he is just a troller (looking to disagree and cause arguments). I like to think this because it’s hard to believe anyone could process information so poorly.
To Paraphrase George Carlin.
Think how dumb the average person is.
Realize that half of all people are even dumber than the average person.
The title is “Are you a Clover?” not “Safe driving tips and tricks.” There are a few hundred or so articles on this site discussing the very things you mentioned, just not this one.
Update: Dammit, Eric deleted my man’s post. I’ll leave my post here for you “Driver.”
Excellent article. Everything I’ve read on this site has been wonderful. I confess however, that there is one situation in which I am a clover. You know those merge things when you’ve got to get two lanes down to one, and it works if everybody gradually merges together, but you’ve always got one or two jerks who ride the shoulder at 70 mph until they get to the point where there is no more room then slam on the breaks and try to “chicken” their way into line? Honey, you ain’t gettin’ past MY big ‘burban butt! And when you shove your way in right BEHIND me? Please ride your little ‘spensive sports car right up my fat fanny to show me how mad you are, because that’s what that big trailer hitch is for. If you get stuck on there, I will be a good Samaritan and tow you to the nearest dealer so you can get your radiator replaced. Bottom line, buddy: I pay lots for gas on my truck and suburban. I wave to oncoming traffic and move over onto the shoulder for the folks behind me. I keep on eye on who wants to do what and try to make sure I’m not in their way. But don’t think that makes me a pussy.
Thanks!
And: People who do that (cut in line) are rude dicks and it’s not Cloverish to say so (or to block them).
I love when the tractor trailers parallel up and make a moving road block to keep the assholes at bay. People doing that quick fly up and cut in front slow everyone down.
OMG..
I was driving home (down 66 in Northern Virginia) this evening and there was about 20 amphibious military vehicles complete with personnel on the right side of the highway (off the roadside). Some fucking jackass decided it was a good moment to slam on the brakes and investigate (aka rubberneck). My man caused and instant clover patch. Cars were shooting of the sides of the road all over the place. I saw my life pass before my eyes and was in disbelief this was how it would end. Almost lost my life tonight boys. Shit is ridiculous..
Rubbernecking is a complete waste of time.
Rubberneckers make me think they looking for someone they know or waiting to step in to help.
My cousin told me a tale of traffic on the GSP during the summer.
He did not know why there was slow moving traffic for over 10 miles until he arrived at the cause.
There was no accident. A lady’s car broke down along the side of the rode. She decided this was the right time to catch some rays and work on her tan. She was in her bikini on the side of the rode and people were slowing down to get a better view.
He was aggravated about the cause of the delay as he drove away.
People will gawk – and gawking is ok… if it doesn’t affect your driving. Just like sail fawns. Just like having a beer. Some can handle it – some can’t.
I wish the system would go after the people who show – by their driving – that they can’t. Instead, we lazily target broad swaths of people, assuming everyone can’t. You don’t have to have actually done anything, either. Your driving can be perfect – it doesn’t matter. If you have a sail fawn in your hand (or a beer in your system) and a cop targets you, you’re toast.
It is one thing to gawk. It is another thing to slow down from 65+ mph to 40 mph to get a better view with the traffic behind you needing to (avoid you / slow down). On busy roads traffic can back up very quickly from momentary slow downs. It is a cascading effect.
Well, in some states (Virginia) you have to slow down whilst passing broken down cars by the side of the road. This applies to police, EMS, and fire trucks. Dunno about broken down civilian cars, but slow down anyway – chances are little drooling Johnny is going to run out into traffic whilst Daddy is changing the tyre or whatever.
This is another “common sense” item that really ought not to require a law. Each situation is different; not every broken down car needs to be slowed down for – while there are other cases where it’s prudent to do so. A competent driver can tell the difference and respond accordingly. A Clover will brake for no reason (itself a dangerous act) and then creep by the scene slowly, gawking. A competent driver will either slow down if necessary or continue at his pace, being watchful for any reason to slow down.
A co-worker here got a ticket last year for not changing lanes (moving out of the slow lane) where there was a cop on the side of the road making a traffic stop. My co-worker didn’t have a choice to move over and also it was her exit. She ended up getting a lawyer and still got a pretty big fine. Better than getting the original felony charge that was on the ticket! I’ll ask her about it later and get the exact name of the charge.
A felony?
Just when I think I’ve seen/heard it all….
The public will gawk at anything: About 20 years ago I was heading to Hopewell, Va on Rt. 10 (2 lanes) in Prince Geo. Co. As I came around the curve and had to slam on brakes, there are cars up backed up probably 9 deep. As we creep by the field to the right, there’s a whitetail buck doing the big nasty with a doe and this whole line of rubber neckers gawking. Do people like this have any interesting aspects to their own lives?
NoVa is unendurable. I keep wondering how long you’re gonna last!
Until I find an alternative!
Added later, I forgot to mention I was on a motorcycle.